Orsm's Bachelor Pad:
Beer N Pussy |
For someone that doesn't have a job I manage
to keep myself pretty damn busy and the last couple of weeks
have been no exception. I have however, managed to find the
hours needed to piece together another massive update that
should keep you all amused for a few minutes.
Had my Cisco Sem 3 exam last Thursday nite
in which I scored 93%. Four solid days studying my ass off
obviously paid off. I still can't fucking subnet though! It
just defeats me every time I look at it and gets even more
confusing when you have to start combining your knowledge
of subnetting with creating control lists. Not doing too badly
over all.
Myself and the boys have finally found
a decent house to move into. Submitted our application and
it was accepted straight away. I guess we're just likeable
or something. We've already been given the keys [and started
paying rent] so we'll be moving in this coming weekend. I'm
finding still finding the concept of it all a little bit scary.
The idea of being away from the place in which I have been
so comfortable in for more than 20 years doesn't feel right...
except the part about getting away from my schizophrenic brother.
He's walking proof that smoking too much marijuana for too
long really does turn you into a violent head-fucked piece
of shit. |
|
I think it's safe to say that summer is over for another
year. The sun is getting up later and the days are noticably
shorter. I've always been a big fan of the cooler months but
what I am going to miss between now and November is the short
skirts and low cut tops. I'll have to rely on all you guys
in the Northern Hemisphere to keep me flush with pics and
vids so I aren't missing out.
Big Brother returns to Australia this week. Just like the
sheep I am, I was fully hooked last year and I dare say this
year won't be any different. Let's just hope that they've
got some nice women this time.
Anyways, enough dribbling and social commentary. Time to
get on with this update thingy and give you guys what you
came here for. This update is absolutely massive and I can
guarantee you'll get my bandwidth's worth. |
Wayne
Carey Joke Tribute - Art
Of Teaching - Dr.
Laura Schlessinger
I've added a tonne of stuff this week. There's
20 new Priceless pics in the
galeries now. They start here.
Talking of Galleries there's been more added to the Chicks N Stuff
section. Check em out here. Don't
forget to surf the Archives which are
just brimming with thousands of images and vids and other random
shite.
ORSM.NET FORUMS
Go check out the all new site forums!
You can reach them by surfing to forums.orsm.net.
I've spent a ages setting them up and testing everything so they
should work sweetly. If you think you'll make a good Moderator or
if you want to see something added, let me know here.
Now go have a
look!
Another area of the site that I've been meaning
to fatten up is the Comics Gallery.
I'll be adding 20 new comics every week - the newest addition can
be found here.
This one only really applies to people in Perth,
Western Australia. Doesn't really excuse people for being such fuckwits
on the road though. If you see either of these cars make sure you
tell em they suck.... then duck. Definitely Wanker Of The YEar material.
WOTY submissions go here.
Campbell
wrote:
Subject: Motorbikes
If it's not bad enough already that
every car driver on the road is actively on a search and destroy
mission for me every time I ride my motorbike, there are even more
idiots causing grief to riders. If you see these cars around (details
below), please feel free to kill the occupants and destroy the vehicles.
On Sunday in Freo the occupants of
a Car with the Rego "THOMAS 77" threw a glass bottle at
the motorbikes parked on Essex St. They would not stop to have a
chat though, cowards!!
This is getting a bit much, a few
weeks ago, Campo (motorbike rider) was nosed in by two cars then
got a few hit to the head and they pushed both his bike (GSXR750)
and Marks (R6) over causing a couple grand in damage (Rego # "1BBP
308" it was a white Commodore)
The White Commodore is owned by:
Anthony's Panel & Paint
Lot 21 Sparks Rd Munster 6166
I would appreciate if you told everyone you
know not to do any business with them. Orsm - reckon you can post
these regos and the owner's details on your website? Could cause
the owners some grief which would be great!
 |
Wanna see more Holly
on the site? A few weeks back, she
emailed me saying she was prepard to do a shoot exclusively
for the site but there was obviously going to be a catch...
I have to come up with some $$$ to get her to do it.
This is where I
need your help. I need you to sign up with some of the following
programs so I can cover it. At worst - just click some damn
banners around the site!
- Fling Babes - |
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor
one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was
a chain smoker and the other was a homosexual.
The doctor, addressing all three of them,
said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you
will surely die."
The men left the doctor's office, each
convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.
While walking toward the subway for their return
trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the
loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies
accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.
No sooner had he replaced the shot glass
on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar,
realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they
walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground,
still burning.
The homosexual looked at the chain smoker
and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees a big bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf. "
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood
sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My, what big ears you have, Mr Wolf." Again the wolf
jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding
Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind
a rock. "My, what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you fuck off?! I'm trying to have a shit!
--------------------------------------------
The following sites belong to a bunch of web
master that offered to whore their sisters out to me in exchange
for a link. Go surf their sites [all of which are probably way better
than mine] so they can make good on said promises.
Jewish
Curt - Abuse
The Mind - Fluffy
Bunny Feet - B0g
If you run a site and wanna be linked then drop
me an email and i'll see what I can do. By the way, if you've emailed
me in the last few weeks asking for linkage then you may wanna contact
me again because I somehow managed to lose my link-list.
 |
This just goes to prove just how looks
can be totally decieving. What starts as a hot asian chick
that you'd hop into given half a chance, ends up being a chick
with a dick. Nasty stuff...
China
- China
- China |
Mugabe dies and goes to heaven.
When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list
and he does not belong in heaven and Mugabe must go to hell.
So Mugabe goes to hell where
Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at
home.
Then Mugabe notices that he left
his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says,"No problem,
I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff.
When the little devils get to
heaven they find the gates are locked - St.Peter is having lunch
- and they start debating what to do.
Finally one comes up with the
idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage.
As they are climbing the
wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other,
"My word,look at that! Mugabe has been in hell no more than
ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the
Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells
them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
"Vot
do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver. "Quattro
meansa four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile"
the Germans retort unbelievingly. Look at ze papers: ze car is designed
to karry 5 persons." "You canta pulla thata one on me!"
replies the Italian customs officer. Quattro meansa four. You have
fivea people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the law."
The German driver replies angrily, "You
idiot! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz
more intelligence!"
"Sorry" responds the Italian
officer, "He can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat
Uno."
Four worms were placed
into four separate jars.
The first worm was put
into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were
the results:
The first worm in alcohol
- dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
Third worm in sperm - dead.
Fourth worm in soil - alive.
Lesson:
As long as you drink,
smoke and have sex, you won't get worms.
Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are
travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania
and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little
Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister
Marilyn. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That
will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking
Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer.
I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister
Helen.
Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer.
Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and
continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn?
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister
Marilyn.
She opens the window and shouts,
"Get the fuck off the car!"
THE 10 MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN A WOMANS
LIFE
10) The Doctor because he says,
"Take off your clothes."
9) The Dentist because he says, "Open Wide."
8) The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased
or blown."
7) The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or
in back?"
6) The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it
all in, you'll love it."
5) The Banker because he says, "If you take it out to soon,
you'll lose interest."
4) The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."
3) The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
2) The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
1) The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice
and always eats what he shoots.
|
 |
A man dies and goes to hell. In hell he is met
by Satan who says, "I now offer you your choice of tortures
for the rest of eternity, I will show you your options." Satan
then proceeds to take the man into various chambers of torture.
Finally he man is led into a room where another man is receiving
a blow job from Pamela Anderson. "Are you sure this is a torture?'
asks the stunned man.
"Yeah, it can get pretty tiresome
after a while," replies Satan. The man decides to chance his
luck and tells Satan that he will take the oral sex option. "Okay,
Pammy" Satan says to the buxom blonde, "we've found your
replacement, you can go now."
A couple of women were playing
golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off
and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome
of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the
men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the
man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was
a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical
therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me",
she told him earnestly.
Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll
be fine in a few minutes, he replied breathlessly as he remained
in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and
he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away
and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her
hands inside and began to massage him. She then asked him: How does
that feel? To which he replied: It feels great, but my thumb still
hurts like hell.
LITTLE NANCY
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole
when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the
cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What
are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully,
without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbour
was concerned," That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish,
isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap
of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking
cat."
Orsm Video time. Time for me to dish up some
fine women and other screwed up shit. If you have problems viewing
the vids, make sure you check the site help.
Well that's all for this week, Folks. Yes, I
know - no Random Shite this week. I decided that there was more
than enough to keep y'all amused for the time being and that I may
aswell try and save some content for the next update.... next update
which may not be appear on time due to me moving house. Anyways,
wish me luck for the new house and feel free to buy
me something nice from my wishlist as a house-warming present.
As always, be good, stay off the chems, and don't
forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
