EMAIL FORWARDERS 12 STEP PROGRAM...

1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON'T forward a fucking email.

2. I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward a fucking e-mail.

3. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.

4. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people who are obviously as fucking stupid as me.

5. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.

6. I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail ...NEVER -- NEVER.

7. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people who are as fucking stupid as I am.

8. There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE OF YOUR FUCKING POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.

9. The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every fucking e-mail we send.

10. There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will rceive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!

11. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.

12. And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before he picks up a fucking keyboard to pass it on.

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out! Just Kidding...