HOLDENS

Did you hear that the Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps?
They had pictures of Holden Racing Drivers on them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in a HRT Jacket?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered."
The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded."
The fourth one says, "I prefer Holden fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

If you see a Holden supporter on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It could be your bicycle.

What do Holden fans and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

What do you have when 100 Holden fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a Holden supporter. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Holden supporter - twice.

How many Holden supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven – one to change it, five to moan about it and Mark Skaife to say that, "if CAMS had done its job properly in the first place, the light bulb would never have gone out."

Mark Skaife is celebrating; "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily.
His wife asks him why he's celebrating.
He answers "Well, I've done this jigsaw in only 57 days."
"Is that good?" asks his wife. "You bet" says Mark. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."

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WHAT THE LETTERS F.O.R.D STAND FOR...

Found On Rubbish Dump
Friggin Old Rebuilt Dodge
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
First On Race Day (Very Rarely)
First On Recall day (Very Often)
Fabricated Of Refried Dung
Fails on Rainy Days
Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
Fatally Obese Redneck Drivers
Fault Of R & D
Finally Obsolete Racing Device
Fireball On Rear Denting
First On Road to Dump
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
Foot On Road Decelerates
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Form Of Rejected DNA
Forwarded Once, return Denied
Forward Only, Reverse Defective
Forlorn Old Ratridden Dustbin
Forlorn Old Rustladen Dustbin
Fork Over Repair Dollars
Failed Out Redone Dodge
Frequently Overhauled. Rapid Deterioration
Free Or Reduced Drastically
Frequent Opinion? Really Disappointed
Fumes & Odours Readily Detectable
(Backwards) Driver Returns On Foot