I doubt any of this is true... still
an entertaining read though...
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those
little bars of soap in my Bathroom since I have brought
my own bath-sized Imperial Leather.
Please remove the six unopened little
bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular
maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower
soap dish as you requested.
The 6 bars on your shelf
I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex
dispenser in case you should change your mind.
This leaves only the 3
bars I left today which my instructions from the management
are to leave 3 soaps daily.
I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy,
Relief Maid
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Dear Maid,
I hope you are my regular
maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you
about my note to her concerning the little bars of
soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found
you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my
medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel
for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Imperial
Leather, so I won't need those 6 little Camays, which
are on the shelf. They are in the way when shaving,
brushing teeth etc.
Please remove them.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr Berman,
The assistant manager,
Mr Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called
him last evening and said you were unhappy with your
maid service.
I have assigned a new
girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies
for any past inconvenience.
If you have any future
complaints, please contact me so I can give it my
personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM
and 5PM.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
--------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by
phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45
AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6.00 PM. That's
the reason I called Mr Kensedder last night. You were
already off duty. I only asked Mr Kensedder if he
could do anything about those little bars of soap.
The new maid you assigned me must
have thought I was a new check-in today, since she
left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet,
along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom
shelf.
In just 5 days here I have accumulated
24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to
me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed
to stop delivering soap to your room and to remove
the extra soaps.
If I can be of further assistance, please
call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5 PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
--------------------------------------------
Dear Mr Kensedder,
My bath-size Imperial Leather is missing. Every bar
of soap was taken from my room, including my own bath-size
Imperial Leather.
I came in late last night
and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere
Bouquets.
S. Berman
--------------------------------------------
Dear Mr Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine
Carmen, of your soap problem.
I cannot understand why
there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they
service a room.
The situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
--------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little
bars of Camay in my room?
I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap.
I don't Want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one
damn bar of bath-size Imperial Leather.
Do you realise I have 54 bars
of soap in here?
All I want is my bath-size
Imperial Leather.
Please give me back my bath-size
Imperial Leather.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr Berman,
You complained of too
much soap in your room, so I had them removed. Then
you complained to Mr Kensedder that all your soap
was missing, so I personally returned them. The 24
Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are
supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about
the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.
Obviously your maid, Kathy,
did not know I had returned your soaps, so she also
brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.
I don't know where you got the idea this
hotel issues bath-size Imperial Leather.
I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory
which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
--------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs Carmen,
Just a short note to bring
you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
* On the shelf under the medicine
cabinet -18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
2.
* On the Kleenex dispenser
- 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
* On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet,
1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks
of 4.
* Inside the medicine cabinet
- 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
* In the shower soap dish
- 6 Camay, very moist.
* On the northeast corner
of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
* On the northwest corner
of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services
my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and
dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
than 4 have a tendency to tip.
May I suggest that my bedroom windowsill
is not in use and will make an excellent spot for
future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased another
bar of bath-size Imperial Leather, which I am keeping
in the hotel vault to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
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