Got a problem too big for Oprah or Jerry Springer? Well you're in luck because the Advice Asshole is here to help! Email the Advice Asshole with all your problems at theadviceasshole@yahoo.com.

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Advice Asshole,
My g/f was reading her monthly issue of Cosmo, her "bible", and she read that guys think about other girls when they have sex. Then I got the "is this true?" question and it was all over. Now having sex with her seems weird, like she wants to know what im thinking about at all times. Help me please!!!

Gary, Minnesota

Gary,

First things first. She's reading a mag that has a woman that is at least Five to Ten times hotter than she is on the cover. Don't take offence to that, it's just true. Second, you know that when a man is banging a girl's brains out, he can't think about other things. We can barely process the normal "Damn this feels good!!" And "Damn her ass looks hot when I bend her over backwards." Next time she asks, tell her that men aren't capable of fantasizing about other women when we have sex. That only works when we jerk off...

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong...

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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Dear Advice Asshole,
There's this gal I know, who is dating a friend. Long story short, I want to fuck her, and she's made it clear to me that she wants to fuck me as well. Only one thing stopping me - her boyfriend, who is an acquaintance of mine. He's clueless, and doesn't know shit about the desires his woman and I have for each other. Should I go for it? Or should the "Bro's before Ho's" rule apply?

Tormented Inside

P.S. - Someone else called you AA - the only 12 steps I'll be taking will be to the nearest bar! FUCK AA!

Ok Tormented,

First I need to respond to your post scriptum. I am in true agreement with you on that idea. FUCK AA!! AA is for QUITTERS... Secondly, you said your friend was just an "acquaintance of mine." He's not a friend, just some one you talk to based on certain situations. Fucking his girl, doesn't count as one of those special situations, so fuck her hard, and when you get tired of it, tell him that she's a ho. You won't lose a life-long friend, you'll lose an acquaintance. Nothing big...

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong...

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com